Hello I am the official White House Clown. You can call me King Clown. Many people say that I am the best clown ever. I have the best jokes and definitely use the best clown words. If I had to grade myself on being a clown, I'd give myself an A+++++++! Most people I talk to say that I should get an even higher grade. As clowns go I am definitely the best. The King!
One of my primary duties as the King Clown is to show everyone who wants to know what living in the White House is like. It's an OK place, but not as nice as my prior home in New York. There I lived in the lap of luxury in a tall building that had my name on it - The Clown Tower. Everybody in New York liked. The newspapers showered me with great articles and were very kind to me.
But when I moved to Washington D.C. to become the King Clown that all changed, notwithstanding that everybody still loves me. The newspapers have just been mean to me. They say such outrageous things about me. Worse yet, they tell the truth and I cannot stop them. That is just so bad and these truth tellers are just bad people. How dare they.
But let's start the tour. The above is the front lawn of the White House. But more important, the clown dress I'm wearing is just wonderful. The best I've seen. I do have to admit that the tights are a little uncomfortable and those high heels stink.
The next place that I want to show you is the red room. I cannot figure our why it was
called the red room. Maybe it's because I get to wear my red outfit and dance away. In the end it does not matter since when you are the King Clown everything you do is right and all the other clowns have to worship at your feet. I've hired a few other clowns to work for me and they all tell me every day that everything I do is just terrific. They must be right since I only hire the best clowns.
My favorite thing about being the King Clown is telling the rest of the country what they need to know about everything. You see, I am a very smart clown. I went to the best clown colleges and was near the top of my clown class. I was terrific in clown cars and juggling and just excelled at everthing else. When you are as smart as I am - a clowning genius - you don't need advise from others. Experts just talk and talk and why listen to a guy who went to medical school or is a general or admiral when you're the King Clown with King Clown instincts.
So when I get to do the press conferences I can't wait to tell the blood sucking truth tellers
that they are the true gutter scum. I especially hate when they tell me that what I am telling now is inconsistent with what I previously said. What right do they have to point that out, even if they do have those faked videos of me talking. Don't they know that I am the King Clown and if I say it then I am right.
The press conference that I am participating in above was about this virus that is effecting us all and making me look bad. So I have to tell them that I am wonderful and what I am doing is wonderful and everyone who says otherwise is relying on fake news. Even if the news is true. It's fake news. Here I am clowning around and telling these bloodsucking truth tellers that the world is beautiful, that I am beautiful and what everything I do is beautiful. That all that is wonderful is because of me and what is wrong was because of people who will not do what I want them to do or were in the White House before I arrived.
What they don't get is when you are the King Clown its NEVER your fault.
That is enough for now. Part 2 of the King Clown Tour is coming soon