I don't think that our Beloved Leader is correct, as hard as it is to believe, that the coronavirus began in China. In fact, I'm not sure that it began as a result of any human agency. No, I'm not blaming aliens, either those from outer space or those just across the border.
The question that I asked myself was who benefits from the virus. In finding the perpetrator that should always be the first question, although the thought that any person(s) could benefit was tough to accept. I was dumbfounded and perplexed, but I finally came up with the answer while I was walking Lucy, my 90 lb. Great Pyrenees. It was the dogs! Dogs are the narcissistic beings who have locked us up for this time. Dogs are the beasts who decided that keeping their owners at home and thus limiting human exercise to walking them was worth the price. Dogs are the monsters who made sure that humans can be affected but they can't. The fact that cats could also be infected was just gravy on the kibble. Damn those chihuahuas!
Lucy's ancestor, Queen Lucy the Divine
I started to look at Lucy with more suspicion, especially while she met up with her conspirators on her many walks. What in the heck were they planning and what was there for me to do to help humankind?
My conclusion was buttressed by my general belief that dogs are the superior creature. It's certainly not humans. My research has shown that about 2,500 years ago dogs ruled the world. There was a dog king and queen and, along with the dog nobles, they were on top of the food chain. Cats were subservient animals who did the bidding of dogs. Humans were pets who were taken care of by the ruling dogs. They were fed, housed and given lots of chew toys. In exchange, humans gave dogs absolute loyalty, guarded their homes from intruders and made human owners just feel better. This is hard to believe, but it’s true and it’s what the best people also tell me.
Although dogs communicated by barking, their primary modes of communication were telepathy and smell. Dogs had such advanced senses and smell that all of their needs and wishes could be communicated without a single bark. Barking was used solely for emphasis or to tell the less-intelligent humans what they were being bad.
Dog life was good for the most part. But it was hard work. Keeping up with supervising the needed supply of biscuits and other supplies was a yeoman's task. And the cats not only were not up to the task of actually supplying needed dog products but were threatening a full-fledged revolt.
It was at this time that Lucy's ancestor, Queen Lucy the Divine, called for a grand meeting of the canine royalty and nobles. The sole question on the agenda was whether being the rulers was worth all the fuss. There was a spirited discussion with the representatives of the pugs and other small dogs primarily arguing for continuing their rule. The larger dogs were not so sure, and the Labradors just wanted to play ball. The decision fell to Queen Lucy. On June 23, 3433 E.C. (era canis), the Queen decreed that henceforth their loyal human pets would be responsible for the work of ruling the world.
There were several stipulations. First, they would create a deity for the humans to worship. It would be called god, which, of course, is dog spelled backward. Secondly, cats would be treated as second-class pets for eternity. Thirdly, dogs would remain the true masters, able to direct the actions of humans though their superior telepathic powers. And lastly, Marin County in Northern California would be the location where dog royalty would periodically meet to review their handiwork.
Queen Lucy meets with other nobles at an undisclosed location in Marin County. In the Center is Romo the Foreign Minister. To the right is Blade, the head of the dog security force.
So next time you see dogs congregating don't be fooled. They are not the sweet, loyal and faithful beasts they pretend to be. They are the true masters of the universe.